I should’ve listened to my heart. I should not have worried about being such a good girl, afraid to hurt any feelings. Years later, the feelings were still hurt – only with 11 more years of pain and resentment added to the mix.
I should’ve been honest with myself. I should’ve acknowledged my feelings – ALL of my feelings. Not only the feelings that I was making a mistake, but the feelings that a better solution was in front of me.
I should’ve given you a chance when I had a chance. You were sweet, funny, cute and there was no way that you would ever be interested in me, right? That flirting. That was something you did with all the girls. It didn’t mean anything, right?
I would’ve left my sister at home when we went to the mall together, if I’d only known. I already didn’t trust myself to be alone around you. If I’d known that you really were interested in me, I would’ve thrown caution to the wind and gone alone.
I would’ve had a real conversation with you, instead of the flirty teasing conversations we always seemed to have. I needed to know there were real feelings involved.
I would’ve listened to my heart if I’d known how things would turn out. I made bad decisions. I learned. I grew. I’m a more emotionally intelligent person than I was back then. I know what I want. I know what I deserve.
Life could’ve been so different if we would’ve said what needed to be said. We were both late to the party. We’re here now. Things still need to be resolved, but we’re getting closer.
We still have a long way to go. I’m looking forward to the future. Someday we can have a better definition for each other than “complication”. You’re the most wonderful complication that’s ever happened to me. You make me happy.